The last week or so has been very rough for me. If I've posted or said anything unusually weird or seemed snippy with people, Please overlook it. Things have been crazy lately. It's been a year since my best friend died unexpectedly, I've been dealing with that. Plus I doubt if anyone here knows it but according to a federal judge I'm disabled, I hate to be called disabled but that's life. I've had at least six strokes, am diabetic, have arthritis and am missing 3 disks in my back with four ruptured ones. Things pretty much hurt every second of the day. I make every effort to not end up like some old fat people in a chair. I stay busy, as busy as a lot of kids I deal with. For the last year I've been eating more sensibly, I get out and walk every day and do a lot of outside work. I weighed 340, but I'm not a fat cow because I'm 6'5" and stocky. I've lost over 60 pounds in the last year, which is good. The down side is that it makes things that already hurt, hurt worse. For the last week I've been steadily on oxycodone and Valium to relax my back muscles. The memory of my best friend and the death of Annabelle has had me down and I've let my website go. I don't usually let things get me down and don't plan on letting this get me down any longer. Sorry for any previous weirdness.

Had no idea GMS; God speed to you. Memories we all have and have had; only time will filter the good ones from the bad. Take care and be well.

Hope you feel better GMS!

Can I send you a message, Lyle? I think it's bad manners to do it without asking first.

Thanks for the replies, by the way.

I understand, in part, what you are going through. My brother-in-law suffered many of the same things you mention. Over the last 2 years he and I became a lot closer, than the 13 years previous. It was tough on all of us to see him go through so much pain, yet still find a way to smile and laugh with us. We lost him in March. He was a big guy, like you. I looked back on the last few years and discovered his "trail of kindness" he left behind, so subtle. Yet, even when we weren't noticing, he was somehow bringing us all closer together, little by little.

The fact that you are brave enough to share your afflictions and express sorrow with sincerity has increased my respect for you. I appreciate that type of candor. I admit, I am imperfect in so many ways, but I strive to be kind and straightforward. Unfortunately, our best intentions don't always get projected in that way. People see, read, guess many things, sometimes the opposite of what we truly mean. I try my darnedest to avoid do those things, myself. The older I get, the more I tend to reflect on things. Which is good.

So thank you, Gms9810, for sharing a little bit about yourself.

My real nickname is Mahvin, btw. Being from Eastern Massachusetts, we drive our cahs to the bahgame. The name just stuck.

Hoping you get to feeling better. Constant pain can be so wearing and debilitating. My heart goes out to you.

I extend my best wishes to you in your time of strife. Take heart in the thoughts of those who care about you and to whom you are an inspiration. Continue to participate and share with those close to you; it will not make the pain go away, but it will make its impact on you less significant and help you maintain focus through the medication.

Don't have a problem with that at all GMS; that goes for anyone here.

My middle name is marvin

Just read this. All the beautiful words have been said so I'll just say that I think what you're going through sucks and I really feel for you.

All we can do is try to understand, be supportive and give you a big .

Sorry things are so hard for you right now. I think the things you are doing by staying active, eating more sensibly, losing weight, and doing outdoor things is the best thing you can do for yourself. There is a lot of things going on 'out there' in our world.

I understand all you tell us here. I have relatives, friends, etc who have had the same problems and I am also a licensed LPN just not working. Our healthcare system and nursing homes are not as good as they think they are so I refuse to go back at this time and work in it.

I do hope you start to feel better soon. take care.

Liana

Sorry to hear of your friend's passing and of your health issues.

It's tough to lose someone close, especially if it's unexpected. I had a band mate suffer a sudden heart attack and die unexpectedly. We played together on a Tuesday night and he seemed fine but by Thursday, he was gone. It took some time to get over the shock of it.

Back pain can be awful. I had a bulging disk that was pressing against a nerve bundle and it was very painful but that's nothing compared to what you're having to deal with. I went through physical therapy and it took 8 months to get over it. If I lift anything heavy, the pain returns so I try to avoid doing that. Hope you start feeling better soon!